Marriage, Parenting

Our New Chapter

First let me explain the blog post photo. As I am sure you all are thinking sweet…snow. Like we haven’t seen enough of it in the last month?! When I took the photo, it was after one of the first snowfalls of the season. The snow was so pretty. It had not been touched or walked on. It was calm and peaceful. Two words that I am pretty sure I will never use again to describe my life with two sons [calm or peaceful].

The last time I blogged was two weeks ago. It was the night before heading back to work after being on maternity leave. Two weeks ago I was a mess. I had mixed emotions about returning to work and my anxiety was at an all-time high. Spoiler alert: I survived going back to work.

Both the baby and I got to experience our firsts on the same day. He was off to daycare for the first time and I was back in the office for the first time in 12 weeks. My husband and toddler came with me to drop our 3-month old off. I clearly needed all the support I could get. I was afraid I would cry-off all my make-up.

My husband handed me the baby for a few more snuggles and kisses before departing. I got one hug and kiss in and then the teacher swooped him out of my arms. It kind of caught me off guard, but I am sure it was strategic. We dropped our toddler off in his room and I got in my car to leave. I survived. Drop-off was uneventful and the new chapter in life was beginning.

It is hard to believe that was two weeks ago. More than ever it feels like time and life are on fast forward and the only time it pauses is when our toddler and/or baby are unconsolable. In those moments the question of if we want a third, is no longer a question. It is a hard NO, not happening, do not ever talk or think about that again.

Then there are times like today when I pulled our sleeping toddler out of his carseat and he started patting me on the back and said “I love you mama.” My heart melted. In that moment I was no longer annoyed that he had spent 30+ minutes earlier in the day crying and whining with friends.

The last two weeks have been a blur. We are still trying to find a routine that works for us. Right now we are ducks on a pond. We may look calm, like ducks on a pond, but if you look under the water we are frantically trying to swim.

The biggest surprise in our new chapter/routine? I have lowered my standards…a lot. Which says a lot for someone who is the definition of a type-a personality.

If I make it out of the house before 7:30 a.m. I consider that a win for the day. If our toddler doesn’t run through the school while I am in heels, juggling a carseat in one arm, baby in the other and trying to catch him so he doesn’t run out the door and into the parking lot, another win for the day. If our toddler eats ANYTHING that we make him…win. If I only have to ask him once or twice to do something…win. It is not that I have given up, it is just I have learned to lower my standards and pick my battles because living with a toddler is E.X.H.A.U.S.T.I.N.G.

Being back to work has brought a much needed [and welcomed] routine. I still consider us living in survival mode [aka living with a baby AND toddler]. My husband and I are trying to align our schedules so we can get back into normal gym routines. While I keep hoping I can pump the remaining baby weight off, that’s not really working out for me.

So here’s to another week of surviving the chaos that I wouldn’t change for the world.